Day: September 7, 2016

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SAD CONVERSATIONS

bambino disperato si copre il voltoAlmost everyday I have sad conversations with parents and children about school work and homework they cannot understand.

A little challenge is healthy but to be constantly confronted with work they have no chance of succeeding with is just plain depressing. Then – just to rub salt in the wound, the NAPLAN results arrive and another nail is driven into the coffin of self-esteem!

F grade and a sad smilie, written in red letters in a spiral pad, shallow DOF

Of course there are curriculum guides that tell teachers the content expected to be mastered at different grade levels BUT a teacher’s task is always to take a child metaphorically by the hand and lead them through the curriculum. If they have not reached a certain stage you cannot just MAKE this happen. Children need to be given work they CAN do and then be shown how to get to the next level.

Children are not machines to be suddenly accelerated by a switch. They are wonderful gifts from God for us to nurture, love and lead gently through the education maze.

There is NOTHING more demeaning than to not be able to do school work all day (with classmates teasing and goading) and then to be given homework that you can’t do either. Schools need to be aware of how many families spend hours on homework tasks every night with resultant frustration and tears. These kids are not getting time to play, chat, daydream and generally be kids.

There is very little evidence that copious amounts of homework help children at all. Reading, practising basic spelling, phonics and times tables is appropriate. Any more than 30-40 minutes per evening is too much and children under 8 should have even less.

We need to stop robbing children of their childhoods and help them at point of need.

That’s why tuition that targets specific skills not understood, and that builds self-confidence and self-esteem really works!

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The A-Z of Child Whispering O is for OPPOSITIONAL

Children Fighting In Front Of Mother At Home

What does OPPOSITIONAL mean?

You want the child to do one thing and they want to do the opposite.

Don’t we ALL have this at times? (I’m sure my husband would agree with that one!)

Why do some children become oppositional?

They do it because they don’t want to do what you want them to do. Simple!

What child ever wants to go to bed, pick up their toys, finish vegetables they hate, do boring homework or quietly accompany someone around a long trip to the supermarket, share toys with another kid they don’t like ……… (The list goes on!)

EVERY child in the world has had this so-called disorder at some stage.

Some kids are very strong and independent and really want to try to stand up to you, defy you and get their own way! (Could actually be a rather warped sign of strength and leadership!)

However, kids HAVE to learn to play the “game” and behave.

If parents don’t discipline their children, the world will!

You do know more than your child and you are the boss.

If no rules in the house- children will simply walk over you and demand their own way. They are wired to do this.

  • Make house and class rules and where possible involve children in this process. However, tell the kids about the non-negotiable rules- particularly the ones related to safety.
  • Stick to your rules and don’t threaten. Give a couple of warnings and then apply the consequences. It might be an isolation chair, quiet time in room, cancellation of privileges etc. No matter what you choose- make the consequences clear and STICK to them.
  • Begin straight away – if you ignore constant bad behaviour it just gets worse. It is OK to tell kids you understand how they feel. It is also OK that you tell them that some things are hard but we have to do them! This is part of character building.

You deserve some peace and quiet and you don’t want your home or classroom to be a constant battleground. It doesn’t have to be.

However, make sure you-

  • Do not have unrealistic expectations. Children cannot always be clean, neat and quiet.
  • Check children’s diets as many common foods contain additives that lead to low-level aggression.
  • Allow plenty of non-screen time and ensure they get outside and exercise.
  • Restrict time on digital media- it can lead to irritation and low level aggression.

We now have a label for oppositional behaviour:

Opposition Defiance Disorder (ODD)

Experts tell us that ODD kids might go on to develop Conduct Disorder. (CD)

Is it possible these kids actually have OOCD? (Out of Control Disorder) or NKS ? (Naughty kids syndrome)

This medicalisation of childhood needs to stop.

Take control today.

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